Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards, one blow from cavin’ in?
So says the wise Katy Perry 🙂 I’m sure you’ll agree that, at times, life can feel just like that – a plastic bag floating about in the wind.
It can be difficult to find a balance between rationality and emotion when emotions seem to take over.
However, there is a solution. Adopting The Wise Mind.
This is a core skill taught in Dialectical Behavior therapy, specifically as part of the mindfulness module – and there’s a good reason for that.
After reading this guide, you will:
- Know What Wise Mind is,
- Have Step-by-step instructions on how to adopt a wise mind,
- Understand how this DBT skill can help with decision-making in your life,
- See how adopting Wise Mind helps make you happier, remain objective and can influence your future behavior.
Table of Contents
What is Wise Mind?
The Wise Mind is a combination of two other states of mind, the Reasonable Mind and the Emotional Mind, and it is one of the fundamental concepts in Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT).
What is a Reasonable Mind?
The Reasonable Mind (or Rational Mind) operates on logical thinking, relying on facts and evidence to make decisions. It thinks about things logically and critically and considers pros and cons to arrive at rational conclusions.
What is Emotional Mind?
The Emotional Mind is driven by pure emotion, often leading to impulsive behaviors and interpretations of various situations (does that sound familiar?).
It operates on intense feelings, influencing thoughts and behaviours without considering logical reasoning—I guess we would call that impulsive.
When you access Wise Mind, you combine the Rational Mind with the Emotional Mind, allowing you to achieve the best of both rational thinking and emotional awareness.
It involves tapping into both reasoning and emotional resources to gain a more practical understanding of a situation or experience.
As Marsha M. Linehan, the creator of DBT, explains:
“Wise Mind is like a bridge between the two minds, where both logic and emotions are valued and utilized. It involves finding the sweet spot between reason and compassion, leading to a wiser perception and decision-making process.”
Reasons You Need to Know About Wise Mind
Adopting a wise mind can be difficult, especially when your emotional mind and rational mind seem to be battling regularly.
However, it’s a valuable skill that can help you manage your emotions, live effectively, and derive happiness frequently.
I’ve practised this skill numerous times and want to share some of the learnings I’ve derived, as well as my process for adopting a wise mind.
Here’s a list of reasons the skill is essential and relevant:
Wise Mind forms a core part of Mindfulness in Dialectical Behavior Therapy
It will make therapy easier as you’ll have some insider knowledge on the difference between a reasonable mind and an emotional mind and how to practice a wise mind.
Practicing this skill will help you understand the emotional mind
You can tune in to your emotions with greater clarity when you practice the wise mind skill.
This means understanding why you feel the way you do and, more importantly, how to handle those emotions in a way that works for you.
It’s like having an emotional compass that guides you through life’s ups and downs, helping you stay on course even during tough times.
You’ll know more about reasonable mind
Think of reasonable or rational mind as your brainy, rational sidekick. When you know more about the reasonable mind, you learn to recognise when to put on your logical thinking cap.
It’s like having a trusted advisor who helps you make balanced and sensible decisions, especially when emotions are running high.
Understanding this balance between emotions and logic can be a game-changer, leading to wiser choices and a more balanced approach to life’s challenges.
It is an opportunity to practice mindful breathing
View this as your daily dose of mental and emotional self-care. When you integrate mindful breathing into your wise mind practice, you give yourself the gift of being present in the moment.
It’s like pressing the reset button, allowing you to centre yourself, find calm, and build a stronger connection between your mind and body.
This simple yet powerful practice can be your secret weapon for managing the complexities of daily life with clarity and composure.
With all that being said, let’s look at what you can do to adopt a wise mind.
Step-By-Step Instructions to Adopt Wise Mind
Adopting a wise mind will not happen overnight, nor will it happen by just doing this once.
However, if you practice this skill and ground yourself in the present moment, you can gain a deep sense of happiness and well-being.
I’ve chosen these steps based on what I feel has helped me most throughout my journey and what I was taught during my own DBT sessions.
- Ask Yourself Why You Need Wise Mind
- Practice Wise Mind Exercises
- Combine Wise Mind with Other Skills
It’s easy as 1-2-3!
Step 1 – Ask Yourself Why You Need Wise Mind
At the core of adopting wise mind is understanding why you need to do it. Wise Mind isn’t just a technique, it’s actually a pathway to achieving balance between your logic and your feelings.
That might seem difficult at the moment, but having the will and the reasoning behind why you want to master your feelings is crucial.
Bear in mind that this is also about understanding your reasonable mind and your emotional mind and not favouring one over the other, even if that’s your gut feeling.
Finding this balance is important because it will lead to fulfilment and happiness if you can master it.
- Reflect: Think about how you feel right now, reading this. What is your current emotional state? Are your feelings often based on subjective perceptions or rigid logical reasoning? Knowing your inclination helps pinpoint the need for a Wise Mind. Think about moments where you’ve struggled finding the balance between emotion and rationale. Listen to yourself.
- Areas of Need: Think about places where Wise Mind could be valuable and bring about positive change. Perhaps it’s your relationships, maybe in your career, or perhaps it’s just personal challenges you face. Identifying these will give you some tangible focus on which to base your Wise Mind practice.
- Visualise: Try this as a visualization exercise. Cast your mind to the future and think about what your future happiness could look like when you’ve found a balance between your reasonable and emotional minds. See yourself as happy gaining control over emotions yet still acknowledging them as necessary, understanding that it’s not effective to see both states of mind as extremes; instead, they are balanced.
Use this as the foundation of your Wise Mind practice. See it as a way of acknowledging emotion, mind, and reasonable mind together.
Step 2 – Practice Wise Mind Exercises
With a foundation laid, the next thing to do is practice. We’ve heard the expression “Practice makes perfect,” but I guess a more accurate way of seeing this is “Practice makes permanent.” This is what we want.
Practicing these exercises regularly will ensure they become second nature.
You’ll find that adopting a wise mind doesn’t take much effort, as you’ll be naturally in that frame of mind because of your practice.
- Mindfulness Meditation: Start with mindfulness meditation focused on the breath.
- Sit quietly, directing your attention to your breathing, observing each inhale and exhale.
- Breathe in for 3 seconds, hold your breath for 2 seconds, and then exhale for 5 seconds.
- This exercise aims to ground you to the present moment.
- It’s important because you must be conscious of the present to acknowledge your emotional and reasonable mind.
- Observing Thoughts and Emotions: Engage in exercises that involve observing your thoughts and emotions without judgment.
- View your thoughts and emotions non-judgmentally, floating down a stream. Acknowledge their presence but do not get swept away by them.
- Try this now: Close your eyes. Slowly imagine a feeling you either are or have felt in the past. Once you have it clear, release it to the stream and see it slowly float away. Continue to imagine this until you think you are in a wise mind.
- Practising this will allow you to remain objective and help you recognise the distinction and interplay between your emotional and rational selves.
- Wise Mind Imagery: Visualise a place where you feel calm, safe, and wise. It could be a real or imagined space.
- When faced with a decision or a stressful situation, mentally transport yourself to this place. Ask yourself, “What would my Wise Mind say?“
- Try this when you’re not stressed. Try it on the bus while travelling from one place to another, or maybe when you’re sitting on a park bench on a nice day.
- The Wise Mind Dialogue: Regularly set aside time for a “Wise Mind dialogue”.
- Write down or verbally express a current challenge or decision.
- List what your Reasonable Mind says, then what your Emotional Mind says.
- Finally, try to discern what your Wise Mind would suggest. I find that asking myself, ‘How would your Wise Mind feel?’ works well.
- Try to shift focus from emotional mind to reasonable mind and back again. View it as a repetition exercise, just like strength or weight training. By doing it more regularly, you’ll become better at it.
It’s normal to find practice in this way challenging at first. Persistence is key. Remember, you’re trying to find a balanced approach between logic and emotion.
Step 3 – Combine Wise Mind with Other Skills
If you’re currently in DBT or going through Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, you’ll know that various other skills are taught and can help with your wise mind practice.
Practicing Opposite Action: Opposite action is a DBT skill that involves acting in a manner opposite to the emotional urge you are experiencing, especially when the urge is ineffective.
For example, if you feel like isolating yourself due to sadness, you can instead reach out to a friend or engage in a social activity.
When you do this, you’re making an active decision, thinking about what you can do to alleviate your feelings.
You’re not just robotically looking at it from a rational mind, nor are you acting on pure emotion. This is why I feel it’s useful for practicing wise minds.
Engaging in Self-Soothe Activities: Self-soothe activities help you comfort yourself when experiencing distress.
These activities can involve soothing sensory experiences, such as taking a warm bath, relaxing music, or indulging in a comforting treat.
Again, you’re taking an active stance. You’re thinking about how you feel and considering your situation from multiple perspectives.
Here’s a video that I think does an excellent job of explaining things you can do to self-soothe:
As you practice this, I suggest going back to the Wise Mind dialogue from above.
Utilizing PLEASE Mastery: PLEASE mastery is a set of self-care behaviours that promote physical and emotional well-being.
It stands for treating Physical Illness, Balanced Eating, Avoiding Mood-Altering Substances, Balanced Sleep, and Getting Exercise.
If you feel you can only do one or two at a time, that’s ok.
For me, balanced eating and exercise really help.
Working up a sweat and mindfully eating ( one of my favourite mindfulness exercises) my well-prepared food ground me, and usually, after I’m done, I feel much better about myself.
Key Considerations for Successfully Adopting Wise Mind
Hopefully, the suggestions above are a good starting point for you.
There are many ways to adopt a wise mind, so don’t feel like what I’ve suggested is the only way to do it.
Seeing things from a wise mind perspective is one way to improve your happiness.
Remember that adopting a wise mind is not just about rigidly following a set of instructions but about cultivating a mindset that balances your emotions with your rational thoughts.
This balance will help you traverse life’s challenges and find some happiness as it can remove some of the issues that you may face.
Be patient and kind to yourself. This all takes time.
It’s normal to encounter frustrating moments as you try to apply a new mindset. You haven’t failed until you give up.
So don’t give up. Do your best to remain curious, don’t judge yourself.
Explore what your patterns of emotion and thinking teach you about yourself.
Taking it to the Next Level: How To Use Wise Mind In Your Day-to-Day
You can also practice in your daily life. You don’t just have to set aside time. Actually, this is probably one of the best ways to improve your ability to adopt a wise mind.
In Work:
- When you’re in meetings or conversations, make a conscious effort to listen to others truly. Try to fully grasp their perspectives before sharing your thoughts.
In Relationships:
- Make it a priority to communicate openly and honestly in your relationships, and try to understand your emotions and those of others.
- When conflicts or disagreements arise, use the principles of the wise mind to guide your approach. Aim to find solutions that respect both the rational and emotional aspects of the situation.
Wrapping Up and My Experience With Wise Mind
Bear in mind that this is just one skill you can use. DBT trains us to think about so many things from different perspectives.
But if you could only adopt one, then a wise mind is worthwhile.
It helps you think from different perspectives and take a more balanced approach.
I love this skill because it allows me to take some time out, stop and think, and use other skills that I’ve learned.
Most importantly, it contributes to my happiness—and quite frankly, that’s priceless.
I hope you’ve enjoyed learning a bit more about this skill. If you want to work on finding more happiness, then adopting the how skill is for you.
FAQ
How Does Wise Mind Help Me?
It helps you to understand that you can combine rational thinking with emotional understanding. It’s a combination of both working together. Wise Mind offers a middle ground where decisions are not solely driven by cold logic or fleeting emotions but are informed by both. This allows for better well-being, less judgements of actions, and finding more balance in your life.
How Can I Explain Wise Mind to Others?
You can tell them that it’s like a see-saw with emotions on one side and logic on the other. In wise mind, both are perfectly balanced right in the center – they weigh the same so the see saw is level.
Does Wise Mind Work for Anxiety?
Yes, Wise Mind can be very effective for managing anxiety. It helps you find a balanced approach to your thoughts and feelings, teaching you to observe anxious thoughts without getting swept away by them. By focusing on the present moment and making decisions with both your logic and emotions in mind, you can reduce anxiety and respond to stressors more calmly and effectively.
