Half Smile and Willing Hands

I’m going to blow your mind with a way to be HAPPIER INSTANTLY.

It will cost you NOTHING and it will take ZERO EFFORT.

All you will have to do is be willing to be gawked at by your friends and family while you’re SMILING to yourself. Kidding.

This article is all about the half-smile and willing hands technique in DBT, which is part of distress tolerance skills.

It’s a way to tell your body and mind to CHILL the hell out and make yourself feel better immediately.

BE GONE negative feelings and intense emotions.

HELLO happy buzz – my beautiful bubbly friend.

Ready to unlock the secrets to ULTIMATE HAPPINESS? Ok, it’s not that good, but it is pretty sweet.

LETS DO IT!

Smiling is good for you – that’s SCIENCE, Mr. White.

Ready for some science?

So, it turns out that smiling is super good for you [1]. Like CRAZY good. It can keep you calmer and make you less stressed. Think of a smile like a shot of happiness straight to your face.

When you smile, something called a neuropeptide is released into your brain [2]. These are like little rocket boosters that make your brain fire off happy signals to the rest of your body.

Have you ever heard of dopamine, serotonin, or endorphins? Yep – smiling releases these HAPPINESS feelings throughout your brain and body too. This means your heart rate lowers, your blood pressure goes down, and your body RELAXES [3]. 

Oh yeah, and that serotonin hit is like the best anti-depressant you’ll ever find (and it works instantly!

And get this. ALL of this costs you NOTHING and takes virtually zero effort! All you have to do is smile.

Wanna know something else? 

IT DOESN’T EVEN HAVE TO BE A FULL SMILE!

Even a half smile will give you the same effects. Amazing, right? That means that if you’re just not feeling it, you’re having a crappy day and can’t muster that ‘Mr. Colgate smile’, you get all the feel-good effects with a half smile too.

Y’know what blows my mind!? It’s scientifically proven that people who smile or half-smile when stressed have faster recovery times for both their bodies and minds. It’s like smiling is the 1.21 GIGAWATTS you need to return to the future.

So what’s the half smile technique?

The half-smile technique is a skill taught in the distress tolerance module of DBT. 

It helps calm you down and tells your body you’re not being attacked or in danger.

It can also help regulate emotions and positively affect mental health and overall well-being. Why?

Because a half smile is as good as a full smile.

I use it when I’m feeling intense negative emotions too, like anger or sadness. It helps me shift my attention from negative, overwhelming emotions to positive ones.

Even a forced or fake smile tells our brains that we’re happy. It’s like our facial muscles send a ‘time for happiness’ signal to our brains.

A weird reaction happens. The facial muscles you use to smile tell the rest of your body something GOOD is happening. Your body and mind react, meaning you feel less scared, anxious, upset, and worried.

So when you’re feeling super stressed or upset about something, just curl your lips ever so slightly (Mona Lisa style) for even a minute, and it will change how you feel. Amazing, right? 

Go ahead, try it – I’ll wait right here.

…

…

…

How do you feel now? (Are people looking at you weirdly because you’re smiling in the middle of a funeral and reading this blog post?) 

How do I practice half-smiling?

Yep, that’s right—the Mona Lisa is our go-to example. You have to wonder if she was posing this way or half-smiling because she wasn’t happy that Leo was painting her for EIGHTEEN HOURS!

Ok, you get the picture. (I did it again).

A half-smile is just a teeny-weeny tiny curl of the lips. It’s not meant to be a full smile. So you don’t need to crack out your full Joker impression just yet. 

I suggest you combine this with the Mindfulness What skills – observe, describe, and participate. 

If you’re actively focused on the present moment (the whole point of mindfulness) and use half-smiling to help tolerate a difficult situation, your body and mind will react positively. 

This way, you’ll find yourself feeling calmer faster, less stressed, and more able to BE in the situation without feeling emotional distress.

You’ll be able to change what’s happening around you; at least this way, you’ll be conscious of what you’re doing.

I thought this was a double trouble skill—half smile AND willing hands. What are the willing hands all about?

Hold your horses, bro—we’ll get right to that. First, we need to talk about being willing.

Willingness vs Willfulness – Let’s Battle it Out!

So, let’s talk about the elephant in the room.

What is willingness?

The need to be WILLING to make changes. 

Changes in your life, your attitude, your relationships. The whole shebang. 

Without the desire to change, you won’t make progress in DBT or in your life.

There I said it, sue me.

No, but seriously. If you want to make progress and live a life actually worth living, then sitting on your hands while they’re folded (now how would you do that exactly??) just isn’t going to cut it.

What is willfulness?

What’s the opposite of being willing? Being Wilful (or willful if you’re in the YOU ESS AYY).

Being willful is being stubborn, opposed to change, and unwilling to yield to a more effective way of approaching life, relationships, and other avenues.

The wilful part of us says, “It shouldn’t be this way”, ” It’s not meant to be like this,” and all the other statements we make that keep feeding our insecurities and anxieties.

As a borderline, I experience this time and again—it comes from the black-and-white way of thinking. Let me tell you, it’s not a superpower. It’s holding you back.

Instead, being willing and practising willingness is a way to supercharge your run down the road of recovery and anchor yourself firmly to it. (Wait, am I anchored or running!?)

You have to dive in, be open-minded to change and be willing to embrace whatever comes your way. (Dive into a road? Are you sure you know what you’re talking about?)

Ok, man, I get it! So how do I adopt this life-changing, eye-watering, lip-licking amazing skill!?

Okay, this is our segway (remember Segways?? I never laughed so hard until I saw my mum falling off one) into the willing hands technique.

It turns out willing hands complement half smiling – and both of them go hand-in-hand (seewhatIdidthere).

Willing Hands – Put your hands up, Punk!

But my hands are willing – willing to do ANYTHING to get them on a Big Mac!

Erm, yeah, that’s not the kind of willingness I’m talking about.

When you feel anxious, worried, or uncomfortable about your situation, what do you do with your hands and arms?

Maybe you fidget, maybe you cross your arms, maybe you pick your nose.

Well, that’s you closing down in some way or another.

That’s you saying I’m uncomfortable with what’s happening around me, and I need to protect myself (or it’s time for a tasty, salty treat because you didn’t get that Big Mac).

So, to turn that on its head and truly accept the situation and where you are, you can use willing hands.

What is the willing hands technique?

It’s a way to open up your body posture.

The recommended way to do this in DBT is to lay the backs of your hands on your legs (if you’re sitting down) and have your palms facing up or face your palms out if your arms and hands are by your side.

Ready for more science, Mr White!?

When you do that, you’re sending yet another signal to your brain that this situation is okay, there’s little to be concerned about, and it’s time to release those happy feelings once again. 

By opening up your hands this way, you’re shifting from a defensive stance to a more positive open one. And that’s the key.

Willing Hands and Half Smile – Match made in HEAVEN

When you do both of these things together, it’s like you’re taking peanut butter and jelly and putting them on a brain sandwich. Actually, that sounds kind of gross.

But what I mean is, when you combine these two things, they’re so much better than if you had them by themselves.

A half smile will signal to your brain that things are okay.

Willing hands signal to your brain that things are okay.

You get a double dose of “things are okay” when you practice both of them together.

People with borderline personality disorder or who practice distress tolerance skills – that’s me and you: we get the value out of doing this because it calms us down, makes us feel at peace, and helps us realise that there’s nothing attacking us, we’re A-OK.

How and When to Practice

You can do this whenever you feel you need to.

This can be a stressful situation. Maybe you’re anxious about meeting new people, engaging in an experience you haven’t had before, or participating in it.

Keep this one in your back pocket.

But you’ll remember to do it if you’ve practised it beforehand.

So, this is how I do it.

My first suggestion to you is to practice it first thing in the morning when you first wake up.

• Sit on the side of your bed, your feet on the floor, and keep yourself grounded.

• Put your hands on your lap, ensuring your palms face the ceiling.

• And slowly but surely form a very slight curl in your lips. Hold this pose for one minute.

• If you remember, check in with yourself before and after.

Another thing I like to try is when I’m waiting in line at the shop.

Because waiting in line BLOWS. So why not make use of the time?

• Stand where you are. (Don’t forget to keep on moving with the crowd)

• Put your arms by your sides, and make sure your palms are facing outwards. And then, same again.

• Curl your lips ever so slightly into your best Mona Lisa half smile.

Okay, the third one. And this is going to be hard, but it’s worth it.

When you’re irritated.

The next time someone says something to you that upsets you; the next time you’re annoyed because something hasn’t happened the way you wanted. (Like someone’s put coleslaw on your burger or something weird like that).

• Hold your hands up or out. Make sure your palms are out.

• And adopt the half smile.

• Again, hold it for one to two minutes.

These are all beginner-friendly AND advanced, so they’re a catch-all. Try them in your free moments.

Give it a whirl

I can’t encourage you enough to try this out.

It’s a powerful skill to adopt in your daily life, helping you feel calmer, more comfortable in difficult situations, and better able to deal with distress.

This is the whole point of this skill and the distress tolerance module in DBT, anyway.

And if anyone is looking at you weirdly, they should probably practice the half smile and willing hands technique as well.

Just don’t try to trip them up when they walk past you.

I wish you good luck and all the best.

As always, please get in touch with me with any questions, comments, or concerns. I’m open to any feedback you might have.

If you want to get the most out of this skill, you should also practice mindfulness of current thoughts.

FAQ

References

• [1] – https://www.verywellmind.com/top-reasons-to-smile-every-day-2223755
• [2] – https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21922398/
• [3] – https://cardiovascularbusiness.com/topics/clinical/heart-rhythm/smile-even-fake-one-reduces-heart-rate-blood-pressure